Caretaker leaves elderly mother on neighbor's porch for hours while they run errands: 'I am a kind neighbor but this is too much'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 14, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

There is nothing worse than being forked over responsibility that isn't your own. You didn't sign up for it, but here you are, saddled with the burden of whatever it is. Your roommate left a bunch of dirty dishes in the sink, and now you have to clean them. Sure, you could wait for them to get around to doing it, but you need them done now. Someone left the toilet seat up at work, and now you have to put it back down. There are so many other things you'd rather be doing with your time, and you're not the one who put it up in the first place, but here you are.

Someone drops off their elderly mother on your porch without asking, and now you have to look after her. You certainly did not ask for this responsibility, but here you are. That's what happened to the person in this story, whose neighbor started to take advantage of them just because they seemed like they wouldn't complain. But the neighbor was upset with them and thought of a way to get back at them.

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  • An elderly woman sits on the steps of someone's house.
    via Nedo Raw

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Nobody likes to be in a sticky situation with their neighbors. You probably have to see them quite a bit, and you'd rather have things go smoothly. But we're not always so lucky, and we don't always get what we want. Scroll on to read this story and see what happened. 

  • AITA for asking my neighbor to stop leaving their elderly parent on my porch for hours while they run errands, just because I happen to work from home?

    My neighbor kept leaving their elderly mom on my porch while they ran errand. I tried to be helpful and accepted it in my first encounters. But then I think that my neighbor think that I am too kind and took advantage of it. I'd be in the middle of working and notice her just sitting there for hours, and it made me feel trapped because I never agreed to watch her but at the same time I pity the elderly. It stressed me out knowing I was being put in that position without any choice.
    via u/lemonpoppiez
  • I am a kind neighbor but this is too much. I have my own life, my own deadlines and problems, and I can't focus on my life while also worrying if something might to the old woman on my porch. I am softhearted and if something happens to the elderly the guilt would eat me up. If she fell or got sick, I know it would somehow
    via u/lemonpoppiez
  • fall back on me, and that thought really bothered me. I told them to stop leaving her in my place, but somehow she insisted that I don't have to watch her at all since she's just sitting there doing nothing. But still as I said, I can't handle the guilt if anything happens. I don't get why people like this. I would't even let my dog outside, how can they take leaving their own relative outside?
    via u/lemonpoppiez

  • Commenters agreed that this was a tough situation.

    LowBalance4404 14h ago • I'd honestly called the police and then adult protective services (if you have that in your area) that some rando old lady has been left on your porch. Who knows how else she's being neglected????
    via u/LowBalance4404
  • An elderly woman sits on a porch with a mug.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • ThisGirlls Fine · 14h ago • If she hurts herself while on your property, you can get sued. Don't allow them to put her there!
    via u/ThisGirllsFine
  • LotsofCatsFI • 14h ago NTA - can you call adult protective services and ask for a welfare check?
    via u/LotsofCatsFI
  • Feuer... 14h ago Edited 13h ago . • Wow, this is not OK on so many levels, and you may be looking at a case of elder ab e; you absolutely need to reach out to social services.
    via u/FeuerroteZora
  • I assume the background is that the mom has dementia; having cared for my own mom while she was living at home with dementia I think I have some grounds on which to say all this. Your neighbor may be well intentioned but overwhelmed. Or she doesn't care about her mom, or even resents her. She may be engaging in elder ab
    via u/FeuerroteZora
  • even if she may be doing so unintentionally/thoughtlessly. I think you need to talk to her and watch for her reaction so you know what to tell adult protective services, but you need to call APS no matter what. If she's overwhelmed call them and tell them she probably needs help; if you get the sense that she's indifferent, call them
    via u/FeuerroteZora
  • and express strong concern about the mother's level of care and the possibility of elder ab e. Caregiving is hard at the best of times, and if there's resentment in addition to caregiving stress, along with no oversight, then unfortunately elder ab e is not uncommon.
    via u/FeuerroteZora
  • Leaving her outside on your porch for hours means, I am guessing, just that. She's sitting, without water, without access to a restroom, without food? She is probably very dehydrated (common issue esp with dementia). If she's wearing a diaper then she's sitting in her wet diaper for hours. Just in terms of physical comfort this is completely irresponsible and rather cruel, and who knows how the mom deals with this mentally.
    via u/FeuerroteZora
  • If that's what passes as acceptable care in your neighbor's eyes, APS needs to investigate the care situation at home, even if she stops putting her on your porch. Is the mother still mobile? If so, your neighbor is also accepting the possibility of her mom wandering off the porch and going anywhere - into traffic, off into town, into someone's backyard, anywhere. I don't need to explain why that is so very very bad.
    via u/FeuerroteZora
  • I'm sorry you have to be the one to do this, but that woman needs a lot more help than you can give her, and more than she is currently getting. Please call Adult Protective Services and make a report.
    via u/FeuerroteZora
  • chicky75 14h ago • NTA however kind you are, you aren't responsible for their mother. I would be tempted to tell them you'll call the police next time it happens - it's not your job and you're right to be worried if something happens to her. Would you be liable? Could they sue you if she gets hurt on your property? I'm not a lawyer but I wonder if this falls under elder ab e/neglect.
    via u/chicky75
  • Fireemblemisthebest 14h ago • NTA report them to the police. If the mom gets hurt or worse you'd be in trouble. If they can't say home and care for her she needs to be in a nursing home or at least have a professionally trained caregiver
    via u/Fireemblemisthebest
  • SummitJunkie7 14h ago • I don't understand how leaving her on your porch is better than leaving her in the house?
    via u/SummitJunkie7
  • jdbmbb⚫ 14h ago I'm 69 and if she gets hurt even walking onto your property you could be held liable. As a 69 year old I can say it is easy to trip and fall! Don't put your livelihood in danger like that. Give a warning and let them know, but if they continue, you need to protect yourself and call the police.
    via u/jdbmbb
  • DropstoneTed 14h ago This is so beyond the pale. I wouldn't have hesitated to call the police for a welfare check the first time this happened. That would have been the end of your neighbor neglecting their elderly parent on your porch.
    via u/DropstoneTed
  • NeitherStory780313h ago If grandma is just sitting there doing nothing why can't she do it at home? Tell neighbor it's called abandonment and elder ab e to just leave her there without supervision
    via u/NeitherStory7803
  • floataboveit 14h ago • NTA - and if it continues, you should tell them that you plan to call whatever your local number is for senior's care or city services. If something happened to them on your property you could absolutely be liable. Approach the conversation with kindness in case it goes sour.
    via u/floataboveit
  • • Useful-Courage8381 14h ago NTA. Report elderly neglect. In contacting the authorities you may help the poor woman being abandoned. Never know what's going on in that house. But definitely not your responsibility past maybe a phone call.
    via u/Useful-Courage8381
  • catsaway9 14h ago NTA Put up a gate, take away your porch furniture if that's where she's sitting, intercept the neighbor when they're dropping off the parent and just say no Don't argue, don't give reasons, just - no
    via u/catsaway9
  • wittyidiot 13h ago Leaving their... mother on your porch? Like, with a leash or something? This is insane. If the woman is even remotely competent (like, even mild dementia is fine) you can just ask her to leave and go home. If not even that is possible she needs not to be left unattended anywhere.
    via u/wittyidiot
  • Call the authorities, this can't end well. Or else the old coot is running some kind of drop ship scam or something.
    via u/wittyidiot
  • -MicrowavePopcorn- 13h ago NTA. Technically, she is trespassing. If she's not capable of understanding that and operating independently, leaving her alone anywhere is neglect/elder ab e, and opens you up to liability if anything does happen. I'd document everything and report them.
    via u/-MicrowavePopcorn-
  • . Kaa_The_Snake • 13h ago I feel bad for everyone involved here. NTA, but I still feel bad for the mom. I maybe 1% feel bad for the neighbor. 99% feel bad for OP. Not a good situation to be put in.
    via u/Kaa_The_Snake

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